NEW CHAPTER: 2 Years Later.

Hey ladies, how are you guys? Its been quite a while since we've posted on here and I've been itching to write lately.
I know we talk irl about a lot of issues that are going on in our daily lives and we don't live that far from each other anymore, but sometimes I find it difficult to talk about certain things irl. Sometimes I feel the need to express my thoughts through writing.

Its been 2 years since I've moved back down to Socal, there was a lot that was going on but there was a lot that also felt empty. I'm working a steady job but I don't feel any growth coming from there, I'm back at school but still hesitant on the direction I should take, I have a place to live with cheap rent but I'm unhappy and feel confined there, and I have so much I want to do but I'm finding it hard to motivate myself to take steps forward. The constant push and pull of keeping a steady and safe lifestyle versus stepping out of my comfort zone to make myself enjoy life more leaves me stuck in the middle and afraid.

When I came back down, I thought that the most important thing was for me to try and finish school. But I'm beginning to think that I'm just not cut out for sitting in a room, listening, test taking, memorizing. I feel this burning desire to learn but not in that way. I want the experience, I want to do not to sit and listen. Then I think to myself, well what can I do? I'm good at keeping track of numbers, I like to see things moving, I like to create. The only thing I wish I could do was art.

Things at home are suffocating, I feel confined to my room and Healthnut's nagging is starting to get to me as well as Matcha's passive aggressiveness. I want to cook when I want without feeling like I'm disturbing/imposing on people, I want to be able to use a living room to work without someone yelling at a basketball game, and I want to be able decorate and make it feel like home. My room just feels confined and trapped and when I go home I lose all motivation to do anything. I'm not exactly sure what I can do in this regard except take my work elsewhere. With Tea and I not being able to move out this December, I'll just have to deal with it. I do wish we could get some sort of creative space to work on our things though.

In regards to work, I'll do what I need to to survive and pay bills. I'm on the lookout for another better paying job, but work isn't super stressful right now and people aren't as annoying either. Not like it was before I left for my SA trip thank goodness.

I have a project that I really wanted to get started on and I've actually already started trying to sketch it out so I can get it done by mid October. I want to make enamel pins of two Splatoon characters so I can sell them when I go to lans. I want to dip my toes in doing some artwork and design work. I'll probably have Tea fix up my designs for me so they actually look good and not chickenshit. The only issues of course is money. I could afford it now since Tea and I aren't planning on moving out soon and of course I'm hoping to make back the money. I think this is a good way to try and move forward and do something that I've been want to do for awhile now.

There's a lot more that I want to express but maybe on another day. I'm not hoping to bring this blog back but today I just felt like typing out things.

O-o-h...fuck... He's REALLY cute.

Okay sooo not much as been happening for me so I'll do my best to make this post super long.
I haven't really been as anxious lately. It's kinda weird, but I've been having a lot of fun studying, cramming for tests, and getting super crazy on coffee. Once I graduate I know I'll definitely miss school...

Education

School has been ridiculously expensive for materials lately. Augh so I finished my first project for historical perspective of fashion culture class...I think that's what the class is called.. LOL. One of our teammates for the group was kind of 'mia' and we totally understand why so we asked her to just skim over for grammar and any terms we missed then to print it out. She ended up going to the closets printing shop and it ended up being a total of like $110 with color and nice ass paper... It kind of irritated me that she said it was okay for her to print it and her parents would just pay for it-- like write it off as a school expense so they can get tax refund. I KNEW $110 was actually a lot for printing and you can't return it saying it was too expensive when it was already fucking printed before she actually got the goddamn price... I felt really bad so I offered to split it to help pay. The other member offered as well so it was split among all 3 members of the group. But seriously... AUGH.
The both of them are honestly in my opinion financially well off too.
I'm so stupid. I didn't want them to worry so I said, "Well it's for school. So it's fine."
AUUGHHHH.
I'm pretty sure we're getting a fucking amazing grade on it though.
Better be above an A+. S+ Project and well done.
Loljk. I did a decent job on it with my members.

I got my first essay exam from that class back though. 48/50! Woot woot.
I did my second exam a few days ago and I HONESTLY don't feel good about it. Even though I studied like shit, I felt my notes this round were really bad. I couldn't keep up at all. I was the last one to leave the class during the test. SERIOUSLY. I STAYED THE WHOOOLLEE CLASS PERIOD DOING THE FUCKING TEST. My test anxiety hit-- BAD.

I am pretty much bullshitting product development...
My computer webdesign course is really great relaxer. It gets me away from thinking of the fashion industry.~
Draping is confusing as fuck and I don't know what the hell I'm doing half the time.

I needa start on my collection designs and boards too.

Financially

 I'm fucking stuck in debt now for sure. With my weekends only being my income-- I've finally come to realize it's not enough especially with the two internships that I'm trying to juggle after class. Fuck my life. There were these two dresses I really wanted to buy from my store too which sucks. I can't even attend my co-workers first 21st fancy dinner party. I really hate this feeling.
I was super excited for her too.. I feel like if I didn't have Kuma was expenses wouldn't be so harsh right now...
I will probably be selling a shit load of useless things on Craigslist now. Especially shit Waste bought me.
I'm contemplating on selling my NES 3DS. I kind of want to trade it for the pink/white one except I don't even fucking play it anymore. Maybe I should just sell it off. Sigh.
PLUS I REALLY WANT TO GO TO ALASKA. SO MAYBE IT IS WORTH SELLING.
But I got it for $135....

 Damn these debates.

Family

I was eating at Kaju with my mom and brother, Zatsun. Everything was going fine and we were discussing stuff. I was honestly on a verge of breakdown as I was running on coffee--- didn't have anything to eat, but crackers-- and was just superbly worn out. I started to complain and question about people's action and doing what they should be doing, but end up doing some other shit. Cough cough Waste. I was talking in general when Zatsun says,"You should be doing the same thing."

So I literally stopped eating and immediately questioned, "Like what? Washing the dishes?"

In my head: Are you fucking serious? When you were in school all you did was go to school and hold one part time FUCKING job. YOU didn't try to hold two internships, a full time education, and try to HANDLE two part time jobs --- but you have the audacity to tell ME I'm not doing what I'm supposed to because I am ONLY washing my own dishes? More things continued in my head. I'm literally on the verge of crying and EVERY TIME I GET ANGRY I START FUCKING CRYING.

"What is it then if it's not the dishes?"

Zatsun replies,"You can talk about other people to everyone and your friends with no problem, but once it gets to you-- you get defensive."

Me: I'm not just talking about one person. I'm talking about other things that are happening to me as well. It's never about just ONE person.

Okay. I'm fucking pissed so my eyes get watery as fuck.

Zatsun: And you start crying. I barely said anything. What the hell is there to cry about?

Mom: We're at the dinner table in public. Don't start crying.

Me: I cry whenever I'm ANGRY.

Then my mom starts saying the most stupid shit---

Mom: It's about a boy isn't it?

Me: What...?

Mom: There isn't a need to cry and stress over things. Just leave it behind when you go home. Home is home. You don't need your stress there. We're out eating right now so we don't need to think about those things.

Me: (What.the.fuck.) Easier said than done Mom.

Mom: It is easy.

At this point I don't even know what to fucking say. My support system that was supposed to be my family just crumbled before my eyes. My mom continued to ramble about how there's no need to be sad or some shit and that I don't need to stress out ..etc..etc...there isn't a need to talk about it...etc..etc...like she keeps going and I'm still on the verge of crying.

So I decided to be a little bitch and interrupt her and ask her--

"Why is that you say not to think and talk about it and yet you continue to say things about it?

It's not making it any easier."

She changed the subject after that and just talked to my brother. It's not like they're ignoring me or anything after that, but may be after that scenario they realized a few things about me after living with me for like fucking 20 years.

Love

Not a lot as been happening obviously, but I have been noticing that I'm taking interest in a lot of guys...I don't know if you guys know that one line about guys loving girls...

It's like if you love girls then you think they're all cute. Like fat girls, skinny girls, and super manly girls are cute.

IT'S LIKE THAT FOR ME--- BUT FOR GUYS. I think all boys are cute or I think that there's something cute about them. It's so weird. But I don't think like-- OH. I'D TOTALLY DATE HIM.

I'm just like,"He's cute~"

But recently...While in Pet Smart--- This associate came to help me and I didn't take much notice of him. I noticed he had a nice voice though. He didn't really stutter. I decided to hold some sort of conversation and made eye contact with him--- Then I almost froze. He wasn't super awkward in his stance and held his back up pretty well. Not too confident, but not too relaxed either.

 O-o-h...fuck... He's REALLY cute.

Must I mention my devil side kicked in and told me,"Meh he's average."

But like SOMETHING ELSE WAS TELLING ME-- OMG. I NEED TO LEAVE LIKE RIGHT NOW OR I MAY END UP STALKING HIM. He seemed to be multi-tasking between helping customers and the cash register so I let him leave after helping me. What sucks was I wasn't being girly at all. I think Tyrone kicked it. 

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

I DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING HIS NAME. I kept circling around the aisles thinking-- Okay... How do I get last in line at the register so I can talk to him a bit more...........
I was calculating my timing:

"OKAY. IF I WAIT ABOUT 15 MINUTES EVERYONE WHO JUST CAME IN WILL PROBABLY LEAVE BECAUSE THEY WALKED IN IMMEDIATELY AS IF THEY KNEW WHAT SHIT THEY NEEDED AND I CAN GO TO THE REGISTER-- WONDER AROUND THE TREAT SECTION THAT NEXT TO THE CASHIER JUST INCASE SOMEONE LINES UP BEHIND ME!"

Yes. I did this.

Only problem was while I was waiting at the end of the line....

ANOTHER ASSOCIATE CAME AND OPENED UP ANOTHER LINE THEN CALLED ME OVER TO HER INSTEAD.

I'M SO FUCKING STUPID.

OH. He had such smooth skin looking skin. 

I'm debating on going back tomorrow maybe to return some items I purchased.......Maybe.. I'll run into him? So tempteddddddd. 

Anyways with the next story... It's about someone I've sort of known for awhile, but I don't know. I might be over thinking. It's hard to tell. My conclusion is that he just sees me as a friend though.

I've known 'Hermes' since ...Well awhile. I think Midori knows him too. He was introduced to me by another friend during Anime Expo..a long time ago...and to be honest, I don't really remember him. I /do/ remember someone that kept looking at me during that time, but I...don't know? Anyways, he added me on facebook and we'd talk here 'n there. 

I noticed he's always the one to hit me up to schedule a hang out. Dude. This guy drove from Riverside to just grab dinner with me for a few hours. He also picked me up. Except he acted like a total bro with me. It was fun and not to crazy. I felt really bad since he couldn't really eat (Something was apparently wrong with his stomach, I found out later on when he stresses out the acid in his stomach make it really hard to digest meat! Poor boy.) SO I paid for dinner. He offered to pay for the next meal. 

We hang out, eat, talk, and he drops me off home while he goes back to Riverside.

The second hangout, I'm like super stressed and told me to just plan it out. I just let him know I was coming from Commerce. He's horrible at planning......... 

"Am I picking you up? Are we meeting half way? What should we eat???"

Like literally an hour before we're meeting up to hang out he's scrabbling to get things together. It takes him another 30 minutes to figure it out after I get off my internship. I'm sure he's not interested...If he was wouldn't he have planned it better?

So he plans it at this Bar and Grill place.

and..

man.....

Now that I'm thinking about it I'm sure he isn't interested me in anyway

because he was so sleepy at the end at the Tea Station while I was doing homework that he was going to go home first which would of made me walk back to my car that was a couple blocks away--- in the dark. Hermes parked behind the shop.

I felt bad and packed-- then he dropped me back at my car.

Yeah. He's not interested.

I'm...sure?

He didn't really do anything that showed he had interest in me other than paying for the $60 meal for both of us. HAHAHAHAH. 

Still thinking about that Pet Smart guy though...

I didn't re read anything.

Updates on me~!

Cafeclouds here~~

So i've been driving to school~ its pretty chill i guess. i get to take my time in the morning and stuff >>

Ughhhh, i seriously have SMTOWN withdrawal symptoms guys...its pretty bad... like i get all depressed over it for no reason lol TAT i just keep wishing i could go back in time and be there again. i miss them so much.

Oh my god T___T

Taemin, SHINee, suju...everyone.. 

i know it might just seem like a fandom/obsession/phase to you guys,

but it means so much more to me.

Yeah, i think they're really gorgeous and they sing amazingly and stuff like that, but for me it kind of goes beyond that.

To be honest, they are sometimes the real reason i still wake up in the morning.

I know it might sound weird...but kpop idols ... they are amazing to me.

For now its SHINee and Super Junior that inspire me the most.

They are my inspiration for living and for going on everyday, no matter how hard it is because i know they all work themselves to death and still look amazing on stage.

I can see Taemin's eyebags getting darker everyday and I can hear jonghyun's voice getting more and more strained with every Lucifer performance, but I know they worked so fucking hard to reach their dreams ... and are still working their butts off.

and that inspires me so much.

Did you know Taemin gets bullied in school.

YEah, thats right, 

he's a fucking pop idol, and he juggles working, attending meets, singing on stage at concerts, goes to variety shows, radio shows, photoshoots, a nameless bunch of other CRAP and still has to go to fucking school and to top it off he gets BULLIED.

girls won't ever leave him alone and are always pestering him/stalking him/won't let him get past to go to class....and other kids make fun of him, call him names, and even throw things at him

I want to fucking kill them all and rip their faces off .... but it seriously brings tears to my eyes that he is so strong to keep moving on and still working hard....

I just hope he doesn't like get too affected by the bullying that he's one of those k-celebs who suicide..

omg *knock on wood!!!!*

Just kidding, i know Taemin is a happy little kid and he'll never do that (:

I want to be like them -- strong and successful and happy but hardworking at the same time,

Did you know like 5 members of Super junior almost got killed in a car crash like a couple years ago?

they were on their way back from one of the member's father's FUNERAL. and got in a car crash where they were almost killed.

They all broke a bunch of bones and were hospitalized for a long time.

The other members took care of them and they still kept working hard.

That just breaks my heart that they try so hard all the time and they work together to care for each other and i so wish i could have that so....

They inspire and sometimes are the only reason i even care to keep going on in this life.

And since i met them -- in PERSON in front of me, sweat, blood, flesh, tears, the real deal ;;; everything just hasn't been the same.

I wish i could see them again.

It just means so much to me.

*sigh* I really miss SMTOWN.

I miss Taemin ):

 he was so fucking beautiful and perfect....:/

And this might be kind of like pathetic to you guys...

but when lei broke up with me, i felt like i got over it right away (well not the first day, but after that and on), and i acted like it too, 

but i think i actually had really acute depression and I didn't even know it.

You wanna know who got me out of it and from hurting myself?

Big Bang.

Yeah.

No offense, i'm not saying you guys didn't help me or anything, it's just that you guys didn't even KNOW i was depressed and like emo lol... hell, ::::I::::: didn't even know so its fine ..

but i'm just saying that....

I discovered big bang and they saved me.

so they just all mean a lot to me T__T

For bitches who suck and didn't read/comment on my SMTOWN fan account...better do so now (:

http://pedonoona.blogspot.com/

~~~

OMG THIS SHIT MAKES MY LIFE WORTH LIVING AHHAHAHA SO FUCKING HILARIOUS AND CUTE and FUNNNN!!!!!

http://www.mediafire.com/?tlv3d9339aa5b

Download the SHINee ones on the second page (:

~~~

Ummm i think livejournal totally died, guys lol @_@ Ummm like i think all my lj friends totally went AWOL and MIA O-o Umm so i'm just gonna be posting on here a lot more XD LUCKY FOR YOU guys -- you get all my pointless spam now...even if it has to do with a bunch of kpop crap. i expect you to read it too hahaha :DD BECAUSE YOU ALL LOVE ME, BITCHES.

D:<

~~~

SO I'm applying to Cal State Long Beach on the FIRST DAY OF OCTOBER since thats the day they are staring to accept applications @____@ I hope i get in lol @___@ just a heads up for you guys, you should check the colleges' sites that you might wanna attend and check out the application dates for them before its too late!!! Good luck (: Lets all get into the schools we want~! (:

~~~

MIDORI, DO. NOT. WATCH. TOO. MANY. FANCAMS. OF. SMTOWN.

it will make you forget the feeling of being there faster and then you will get really bad withdrawal lol ~_~

it happened to my friend T__T

~~~

So tell me how was your first and second week of senior year??

Mine was okay i guess...kind of strange..

but i feel like i have so much more freedom of expression...I just act like however i want/do what i want...and i dress/do my hair how i want and i really don't care what people say lol.

I bring around a bookbag to put my binder/books in and i guess it makes me look really asian or something lol but i really don't care.

I just find that i really DO NOT CARE @_@

SENIORITIS IS COMING ALREADY AHAHAHHAHA

I wore my hair all korean today with a little ponytail on top of my head today with a little bow and i THINK IT WAS SUPER CUTE and fuck bitches who didn't like it.

FUCK BITCHES who didnt like my pedonoona shirt too . they can suck my dick.

LOL :D

And all my folders/notebooks/eVERYTHING is pimped out with kpop stuff and i kind of don't give a rat's ass if people think i'm too obsessed/weird either cuz taemin's face everywhere makes me really fucking happy you have no idea<3

~~~

Anything new to look forward to, guys?

WE have Teatime's and Kimlink's birthdays coming up soon and what are we planning for halloween?

We definitely gotta get together for Halloween ((:

Ummmm what else is coming up?? >>;;

Any other big events? 

I feel like so pointless after SMTOWN like i have no other big exciting things to look forward to T^T

I will try to think of more things lol ... to keep me going ~ and not give up on school lol @_@

I need to sleep now...its 9:30PM lol. i wake up at 5:20AM though so i gotta sleep now if i wanna be able to wake up tomorrow ><

I need Teatime to finish her post!! THAT WHORE! :D

Love you guys!

post moar about your lives soon~~

I'm outt!

I guess the blog is coming back up to life~

Anyways, I'm glad it is back (: I missed blogging on here~

and

THE NEW HEADER IS SO CUTE I COULD SHIT RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS~!!

LOL :D good job, tea. and yes, annie would definitely be the one to make the soluation explode ahahahah :D 
I LOVE MY FUCKIN HAIR ITS SO CUTE OMG DIES.

it's super adorable and i changed my poupee thing :))

~~~
MY FUCKING TICKETS CAME AND THEY ARE LOVELY AND GORGEOUS SLKDJGSKJ. 
I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED GUYS THERE'S ONLY 8 DAYS LEFT LSJDSIJHLIW$YJ.

~~~

Hmmm i don't have a deep story like Tea to post XD But I do have pictures to post of random crap 8DDDDDD

ALSO I AM SO EXCITE FOR THIS WEEKEND OMG SHITTING BRICKS.

So many things to do~~~ Koreatown...photoshoot....<3

YES I AM GOING TO FUCKING BUY THE LUCIFER ALBUM IN KTOWN I don't even care anymore wtf.

and believe it or not, this is the first kpop album i will purchase.
Like literally the first one O_o
Of course i've always wanted to buy a suju or big bang one,
i just never felt the compelling force to buy it as strongly as Lucifer~

I have a secret. 
I REALLY DISLIKED SHINEE IN THE BEGINNING.
yup, that's my super scandalous secrettttt >____>
I don't know why,
but i just remember that...
I couldn't understand WHY IN THE WORLD
everyone was soooo obsessed with SHINee.
My old Lj friends would probably remember the days
when i tried really hard to get into them but i just couldn't.
I thought they all looked like clones of each other and their
music was not appealing to me and i didn't even like jonghyun's voice.
;__________________;
thinking about it now makes me sad on how much awesomeness
i missed out on.
It's really ironic, honestly.
Like i really could not get into their music back then, but when i listen
to their old music now, i find that i love it really much ;____;
Anyways, I still have nooo idea what happened
and how come one day i just suddenly turned 360 degrees around the other way
and fell head over heels in love with SHINee.
Now they are everything to me.
and they have taken over my heart.
I can't remember the last time i was this obsessed with a kpop band...
probably 3 years ago when i got into Suju at first.
Now i find them so lovely, perfect, gorgeous, talented, amazing, and precious.
I love them so much and they mean so much to me
I need this album in my life right now and...
I want to support SHINee ... <3
Taemin has become my ultimate bias standing beside Heechul and TOP
and i've barely grown to like him this much in a month.
I still can't understand what happened to me or why I suddenly
fell in love with SHINee and Taemin the precious Maknae,
But they've changed my life in the short time of a couple months
and I never want to go back.

;______________________;


~~
so i bought super cute shit for school shit and idk it makes me happy to have cute shit at school cuz it makes me more motivated XDD
 





MY NEW FUCKIN PLANNERYEAH THATS RIGHT. i bought tons of korean stickers and just decorate the hell out of this when i'm bored XD see that little rabbit/dog on there going *___* ? Well thats matched up with  the smtown thing on my calendar and IT TOTALLY FITS WHAT MY REACTION IS XD


oh i bought cute keychain shit for my phone too~ and  i put taemin's pic and geun suk's on there :DDDDD



I just have one thing to kind of rant about..... is Lolly(check glossary)...... :/// so idk what the hell is going on with her she keeps on hanging out with that new friend of hers named CP (glossary again) and whenever we go ANYWHERE to try to hang out with lolly, CP is ALWAYS  fucking there. like seriously? I really can't take that much. So for like the fifth time now, we were trying to hang out with Lolly and CP is there again.. I have no problem against CP cuz she seems nice and all...but like she's taking away my best friend and I don't like it one bit. When we went shopping the other day, all Lolly did was hang out with CP and just kept walking off with her..and she didnt even talk to me or like SHOP with me or anything...WTF is going on. And maybe Lolly is forced to hang out with her since her dad is dating CP's mom but that still doesnt explain why this entire week CP's been sleeping at Lolly's house.. LIKE SERIOUSLY, what in the actual fuck? I just feel so angry cuz she just like waltzed into her life and like took her away from me and now i can't even hang out with my best friend without her being there. They need to figure their shit out cuz i'm only so patient -___- I mean, is some random chick you know for a few months more important than your best friend you've known for 6 years? JUST FEEL LIKE ITS UNFAIR and i feel replaced ... ;______; basically last night was open mic night again in Long beach and i always go with lin but because i heard that CP and Lolly were both going together again, I just  completely felt like not going anymore. I can see it alrdy... I would have gone there and been totally alone because they (lolly and CP) would just talk and  Lin invited Lei again which makes me more angry and then lin would just talk to him and I'd be a fucking loner and WTF is going on jesus christ ://  I really don't know if i should just confront Lolly and be like can we just hang out with you for one day without her tagging along? Or maybe she will tell me CP's her best friend now and she doesn't even care about us anymore. Well that's fine too, she just needs to tell us or something and be fucking straightforward cause i hate people who are wishy-washy. and CP BETTER FUCKING NOT BE GOING TO THE PHOTOSHOOT ON SUNDAY I FUCKING SWEAR TO GOD I WILL CUT A BITCH :| *phew* Feel better now after letting it all out >> ~~   yay enough angry rambling! excited for the weekend and I will talk to you guys later~ :D

(we need more gifs like these AHAHHAH XD)

I'm late I'm late (for posting)

I'm seriously late! I know I haven't been typing anything lately, but ooooooohhhhh myyy gawwdd so much happened.

Enjoyed Alice and Wonderland guys. So much fun. Love ♥ Love.

So here it is in chronological order. Well hopefully I remember everything.

February 21th, Sunday;

I went to Toast's house for piano practice. We acted like nothing happened and I played piano for about an hour or so. I was planning to go home at 4:00pm. So we played piano for an hour then we took a break. We were showing each other youtube videos in his room. Typical day at his house. I would constantly peck his cheeks. He seemed to sort of ignored them, but he would give a smile in return. I was settled on his lap and was leaning on the desk sorta. After awhile, he leans in and wraps his warms around my neck and softly places his chin on my right shoulder. I thought it was nice, but confusing at the same time. Time flew by quickly as my pecks grew to silent soft kisses on his lips and he would just literally bear hug me now and then. When it was 4:00pm, I text'd my brother to pick me up. He was in church so I had to wait 'til he got out. So we both occupied each other with the internet. We just watching comedies and loling about them. 2 minutes before before 5:00 I began to slowly...start making out with him. Not like tongue kiss. Just lips. @__@; Things continued that way until my brother text'd me. It was 5:05 and Toast asked me if I should be leaving since he's already here, but I kept interrupting him with small bits of kisses. Then 3 minutes went by and practically every minute he kept repeating what he said. So I did it one more time then got up. We went down. Hugged. I Left. Simple as it was, but I was so confused. I didn't realized anything else except for the energy that overwhelmed my body when I kissed him. Oh, how it warmed me on the inside. I didn't understand though and I didn't realize the true meaning of why I did that. The day ended like that and I went home feeling nothing, but clouds overwhelming me...

The new week continued to amuse me. Staring at the back of Minty, but after awhile I started to notice things. Was he glancing at me too? Does he try to talk to me?

During one of the odd days that week in third period...(I do not remember) I was trying to make my friend laugh. You guys know that mustache thing I do all the time with my hair. So, I was doing that and when in the corner of my eye. I seriously thought he was looking at me. So I went back to looking at my friends for awhile and this time. I looked. FOR SURE. I literally looked and he was doing the same exact mustache thing. You have no idea how hard I started to laugh on the inside. He was definitely looking at me before when I was doing it and my guts tell me it isn't a lie. Through out that week, I tried to get his attention. Constantly. Leaving me by myself so maybe he'd try to talk to me again. I began to doubt the feeling that he wanted to talk to me. So I just continued doing it...

February 28th, Sunday; I went to Toast's for piano lessons again. I played piano for 2 hours then when it was 3 I called for my ride to go home. I was really tired so I was just sitting around on the ouch with Toast. Toast would lay on me once and awhile, I'd snuggle into him too. Then for some reason I said, "I hate you."

Him: Why?

Me: I was lying don't worry. hahahaha.

Him: Why did you suddenly say that though.

Me: because I can.

Then I took a pillow and tried to suffocate him. He's sister walked in and paused and said, " ....OOOKKAAYY."

Then she walked over and just sat on the pillow that was on his face. It was entertaining to watch.

My ride came and I was walking out of the door. We said bye as he opened the door for me. I took a step in front of the door and suddenly he hugs me. He's arms..wrapping around my neck once again from the back. He's face, facing down over my shoulder next to my ear. I was confused...I became shocked and afraid. Realizing that my main purpose in life wasn't to possibly love... or be loved .I pat him on the head while he hugged me and I walked out from his arms...then the door...then the through the gate...and out of the position of being his lover that I wanted to work hard for. Maybe I did love him and I couldn't see it...Or possibly it's because I wasn't meant to see it...

I figured my purpose was to just stay beside the person that thinks they love/like me until they realize things about themselves. Then again that's stupid.

So... Minty has tried to talk to me. He paces back and forth trying to talk to me and he DOES look at me.

Then One day.

March 4th, Thursday; he got moved to my table for a test and the first thing he says is,

"Have you ever seen an elephant hiding behind a bridge?"

Me: uuuhmmmmmmmmm....................................no............?

Him: Yeah, because it's hiding.

I was laughing so hard about it. I am in love with that joke. xD

March 9th, Tuesday; We finally talked. Sorta. He made fun of my stick figure because it didn't have a face and it looked like a bear. It did look like a bear afterwards though. That's the funny part.

10~5 minutes before class ended he sat in front of me.

Me: Hi :D

Him: Hey :o

Me: How's everything going? :]

Him: pretty bad... Today's my last day, tomorrow is my birthday and the day after that I have therapy.

Me: (Ignoring the last day...because I was in shock) It's your birthday tomorrow?!

Him: Yeah.....?

Me: High five!

Then we Hi-five.

Him: What for?

Me: Well it's your birthday tomorrow isn't it? Happy Early Birthday :]

Then the teacher made everyone go back to their normal seat. I'm still processing that it's his last day. Then I realized I should get his cellphone number, but he leaves even before I get to. =.=;;

So I WAS depressed and shocked. Trying to figure out what to do....

-Will be continued tomorrow...(hopefully) because there's too much too type and too much that happened~ -

Valentine's Day Weekend and Tet weekend (:

*~TET FESTIVAL~*

was totally bullshit -_-; man ,it was such a waste of money && time.

and me and midori didnt even get in for free cuz of fucking the time thing.

it was only ao dai from 10-1pm :/ sooooo lame!

the mostly only fun part was when me and midori went to buy so much food XD

and then the other fun part was sitting in the random hut with midori and panda 

while i waved to everyone who walked by and looked in the hut 

and sometimes i would yell "HIIII!" if they didnt wave back

and if they look at me like "O_O" or if they say "do i know you?"

then i said "WHAT?! YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME?! >("

AAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.

i am so funny (:

click the title to READ MOREE!!!
 

She's crazy...

Seriously, I'm not sure where to start.

Let's start with my second driving lessons from HP Driving school.

I didn't know if I actually had driving lessons with her or not because she never called me back when I told her I had to reschedule to the day I was waiting for her at the moment. (This was Tuesday by the way).

So I called her 3 minutes before it was 5:00 pm. She didn't pick up and I saw her car drive by so I called when she parked.

"Yeah yeah I'm here right now already."

I didn't even say a word yet. She didn't seem to be in a good mood either.

So I get in the car, trying to remember what to do. It's getting dark too.

So she was trying to teach my how to turn, but I had a hard time.

She got mad at me and pulled over to the side. So we're in a small neighborhood driving in circles. Of course you need practice to drive correctly so I tried my best, but I kept doing something wrong that made her literally scream at me. She was like the kid that didn't get the cereal he wanted in the condom commercial.

Here's the video if you don't know.

It was like that. Instead of saying she wanted to sweets she says.

"WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN TO ME, I'M PROFESSIONAL."

then she tried to pull her hair out. Literally. It was scary.

I started kept trying though. I finally got it and kept doing it.

When she said "Good job." I started crying.

Things went calmly from there for awhile. She asked me if there was something wrong.

I said no. Then she asked me why was I crying.

Like hell I was going to tell her that she was scary.

So I told her I don't get praised a lot in life. You know what she says?

"Ah you don't look like you don't get much attention." I didn't say anything.

So we continued talking, she told me I looked different from the first day she had with me.

The stressed look. You know. The usual.

SO apparently she misses lunch a lot. So I asked her if s he would like to stop somewhere to eat, but nooooo. She has to starve herself. She made it seem like it was my fault too! Augh.

"Before I can even eat lunch someone calls me."

me: "OH I'm so sorry."

her: "It's okay."

Turns out that she lives 45 minutes away from me....So I never called her when she was eating lunch.

She also said we didn't have an appointment that day. Which I did. I called her. She never called back about it.

----------------

Finals were shit I suppose. Here are my final grades.

Chem CP: C

English CP: C+

AP US HISTORY: D

Photo: B

Viet: B/A ?

Geo: B/A?

But yeah, I wish I did better too. So stressed out so far for new semester. Mr Newton has been giving a lot of homework out lately, but I guess it isn't bad. My geometry teacher changed too. I'm trying to get comfortable learning geometry from someone else now.

My appointment with FiDM came out well. The FiDM OC is actually quite small, but I like it.

They have Vogue from like the 19th century

. It's awesome. Their place is just amazing. I'm going to try to test for FiDM next week. Hopefully I can pass it. Their portfolio isn't that hard either. DEAR GOD LET ME MAKE IT. When I heard about the california grant from them and that a 3.00 GPA + can maybe earn you up it 97,000$ for schooling...So I'm trying super hard now.

--------------------------------------

I don't remember anything happening.

Oh wait. I got a new black jacket at ROSS. Super nice jacket and warm only $19.

My uncles came from Vietnam to go to school in California, they gave me a package of sleepwear from Vietnam I've been wanting. The sets are so cute. My favorite is the Pucca Love set.

--------------------------------------

Poupee...stupid Valentine outfits could be better. (=o=;)

So I'm guessing....

I think I got :

Computer Graphics -- A

History -- A

English -- B (for sure...)

Japanese -- A

Physics -- A??

Pre-calc -- B (for sure lol )

so yeah... two B's ))))):

guess im not getting a 4.0 this semester ;___;

I HAVE TO GET IT NEXT SEMESTTERRR!! SHIT :/

How'd you guys do??

MORE PPl NEED TO POST LOL @____@

i know aimidori's internet died..

but WHERE THE HELL IS TEA AND KIMLINK?!

D<

i went for two  days and everyone is also dead on here -_-;

So something really retarded happened to me yesterday..

i was just waiting for my mom to pick me up after school and then like i was just on the phone with panda, right?

all of a sudden, these two blonde girls drive by and they were singing REALLY LOUDLY and then they like looked at me while singing really loudly and i was like O_o;

and then one of them was like at me:

"YOU LOOK LIKE A CHINESE WHORE." and then they drove away really fast !

and i was like O___________________________________________O

like I WAS SOOO SHOCKED~! my jaw literally like dropped.

i totally did not expect anyone would say that to me. esp some random blonde bitch.

then i was like

HIYKS|||DRGHWIEH~?!

and panda was like "what happened?"

and then i was SUPER DUPER MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i was really gonna walk up to their car and punch that girl who said it in the face

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD<

i was just like WTF ?!?!?! sooo freaking pissed off -_-;

and so i took a picture of their car and panda said he was gonna go find it and spray paint "WHORE" on it lol @_@

damn what a fucking crazy bitches...

i hope they die in a fire -_-;;

so yeah...

new semesterrr~~~

how is everyone doing so far ? :D

let's work hard to get good gradees ^^d

So i had the shittiest day ever yesterday....

Yeah, it was soo bad yesterday thats why i didnt even post on here, or go on, 

srry guys.

but i just went on poupee and then went to sleep ..

Idk..

it was terrible.

lets start from the beginning okay?
click the title to read moree~! ^_~ 

Day 2 of Finals

Too Sunny For a Bad Day.....

Period 2, Midori and I talked the whole time. The large amount of food for the party was disgusting. I'm so glad I didn't participate. I kept staring at Minty/Silk. I couldn't help it. I guess

I started thinking about it too much. Lmao....

Then we had lunch. I went with Annie to do corrections on her test for her Math class (which is my old math class from sophomore year btw). So i got to say 'Hi' to her. I told her about my summer school idea and she told me College Algebra will most likely not count as Trig or Algebra 2.

I'm still in shock . . . .

After that, Annie bought me ice cream. She bought me the last orange ♥ and she got a chocolate short cake (?). It was chocolaty.

4th period, I had a presentation for my 8x10 photo. It was a close up details of the tree. It was a good picture. I really liked it. He wrote on the back of my photo...I thought it read 20yz. Then I looked at my other friend's that had 19 B. I'm guessing it was 20A.

After school, I learned my group got 56/85. . . . Uhm...I'm not really sure what to say, but...holy f. I'm going to get dropped out of a class I've been trying so hard in. I'm very...very upset. Also tomorrow is my viet final and geometry final. After the finals I have to go back to my viet class to make up a writing test. Dear god let me do well.

I don't think I'll be able to see Toast tomorrow. I really want to cry. I need a big affectionate hug or I'm going to be overwhelmed. Maybe that's why I keep looking at Minty...Stupid toast. Stupid everything. I feel like I'm going insane. What should I do... My heart is wavering...I guess I'm insecure the fact that he's going back to Marina and I'll see him less often.

This isn't fair. Well...nothing is fair..

He didn't even call me yesterday or last night.

If only Toast was reading this, but either way.

Thanks toast; I feel left behind sometimes even when you focus on your school work too...I'm not sure why.. Sometimes you talk to everyone else, but me (Sorry for always wanting your attention). Sorry about Sunday that I couldn't come because of my driving lessons, but you didn't even im/text/call me to see what I was up to...well that's stupid actually because you never call me unless I asked you too. I feel so stubborn and useless and I hate clinging on things like this. I just hate it .... I feel so lonely...

he really isn't boyfriend material.

I wish he called me sometimes....

I'm gonna call him tonight. Maybe it'll make my stress drop.

My mom keep nagging me too which is like +20 to stress.