I have not been alive the past week.

I WANT THE NEW LAYOUT TO BE BLUE. (:
So anyways. here is my "Shit just got real" and "serious business" post, guys :///
I didn't talk about this for a while on here cuz i wasnt sure if i should post about it ..
but i guess i will now :/
Sooo ummm like a lot of things happened >_>;
Well a couple days after my birthday,
I was watching my korean dramas online ..
and it was like midnight but i lost track of time, and i didnt know it was midnight.
Then my dad comes in my room and he was drunk.
So he started to yell at me for being up so late on the computer
and i said that i just lost track of time cuz i was seeing a movie.
And he was like "WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS ON THE COMPUTER"
and i said "I WASN'T. I WAS SEWING THE WHOLE TIME. I BARELY WATCHED A LITTLE BIT"
and then he got all pissed for no reason
so then he was like "you're always on the computer after you get home and then all you do is ride your bike, where do you go anyways?"
And i was like 
quiet.
Cuz i was kind of tired of lying. I usually say that i'm going over to you guys' house most of the time.
but then i just got quiet.
and he like screamed at me "WHO'S HOUSE DO YOU GO TO EVERYDAY?!"
and i said
"panda"
:////
And then things just got CRAZY and out of hand from there.
then he started to like scream at me some more and saying why do i have to go  to his house and he was like 
I forbid you to ever contact him ever again, hear me?
And i didn't want to listen to him,
because I'm not going to cut ties with panda just cuz of my dad.
Then i didnt say anything and he kept saying "DO YOU HEAR ME!?"
and i didint say anything.
So he tried to strangle me. and like choke me. (but i was fine even though he tried to choke me.. i could still breathe.)
so i just sat there and let him strangle me.
And then he was hitting my head and stuff, and he tried to push my face down onto the bed so i wouldnt be able to breathe and then i would like suffocate or whatever.
and he kept screaming and screaming and i just sat there like a statue. I didnt feel panicked or scared at  all. I felt calm for some reason
and then lin came in and she was like crying/screaming at him to stop and she was trying to stop him.
But it went on for about 5 minutes
and lin was finally like "just say it, or he's gonna kill us all"
or something like that.
So finally i was like "Yeah, I hear you"
and then he stopped.
then started screaming at me again and like he crushed the box that panda made for me .. the big one? He tried to break my computer by throwing it on the ground.
And i  just stared at the ground. I don't think i really cared what happened because in my head i kept thinking "once this is all over i will just run away with panda"
And it made me feel calm.
So he was screaming at me and slapping my face and stuff and i didnt say anything. and he called me a whore/slut becaues he thinks that i come to panda's house to have sex 24/7 or something
But i didnt say anything
And then he went crazy some more and got to mad he almost had a heart attack.
So he went outside to calm down/have a smoke
and then my brothers and lin went outside too to calm him down and he started crying cuz he was like everyone around him always hurts him
and stuff like that.
And i just stood there.
So then after like 10 minutes he came back in and started talking more calmly.
But then he was like "if you still want to hang out with him, then you can tell him to come over once a week, but you cant leave the house anymore"
and then he called me a whore again.
And after like another half hour of lecture and getting yelled at, he went to sleep.
And i was going to call panda back to tell him what happened, cuz he was calling me while i was getting lectured.
But i was lying on my bed and i just fell asleep.
The next morning was saturday, so i called panda and told him everything, but he was really silent.
I guess he was sad that i got hit so much.
Anyways, so i told him that i really wanted to leave this time (we actually talked about this before)
and he said that he would go with me.
We were making plans about running away.
I'm not kidding or anything, cuz we made plans about getting on a train, and everything
We were going to run away to Canada -- he has like family there and $4000 in a savings account or something
and yeah.
I was looking up routes that trains took to get to canada and stuff.
I was packing my bags too.
Clothes and stuff, you know?
We really were gonna leave.
Then panda went to his saturday viet class or whatever, and then i got a strange text
from a weird number that said "Are you okay?"
And i was like "Who is this"
"It's Lei. Are you hurt?"
"No. did v tell you ? She didnt call me yet"
"She told me earlier.  She was going to call you but hasn't yet."
"Goodbye. I'm leaving now"
"Are you really going to leave this time?"
"Bye"
"You shouldnt do it. Don't run away from your problems"
"Don't tell me what to do.  Please stop texting me, you'll get me in trouble some more" He pissed me off cuz he can't even understand why i was leaving. We weren't RUNNING AWY FROM OUT PROBLEMS -- we were leaving in search of freedom and a better life where i wouldn't get abused.
I hate ppl who try to tell other ppl what to do cuz they think they know everything.
I think its really annoying.
so then he was like
"I was giving you advice. Sorry for texting you"
And then i stopped talking to him.


At noon, panda called me and was like "I didnt realize we were going to leave this soon"
and he told me about how he was scared we might not make it and end up on the streets or something cuz he didnt know if we were prepared..and he thought we were going to leave in the future when we were more financially stable and stuff.
And i got kind of upset because i honestly didn't want to be there in that prison anymore.
It's the same as a prison.
But i figured panda was right because i didnt really want us to fail at running away and then have to COME BACK which i would rather die.
So i havent gone over to panda's house for the past two weeks and things have been kind of hard...
But we try, and I barely get to leave the house.
So thats why i dont get exercise anymore (it used to be riding the bike everyday) so i play DDR instead.
....
So,
shit just got real, huh?
More updates on this later~ I have more stuff to talk about ~ :/
So yeah.
I just wonder how every body would react if i really did leave?




~~~~~
EDIT: Oh yeah midori already spoiled it but yet i cut my hair (: I just cut my bangs
Pics asap when i get home ^__^