Wednesday, October 14, 2015
Fuck
Peniscola breaking up with Harmonious, and her talking to be about it has brought back some bad memories and now I'm just angry that I ever listened to him. I don't know what I'm going to be doing about my future. I tried my hardest to not regret moving up here, but I find myself regretting it more and more each day. I regret leaving school, listening to Peniscola and all his sweet promises, and ultimately moving up here. What I regret most of all is not picking a major that I really actually wanted to do. I wish I knew I liked programming and computer science before I was three years into the nursing program. I'm extremely scared of the future. I'm in so much debt and have nothing to show for the time I spent up here. I thought I would be able to move back home easily, but I can't even do that. I basically have to beg the Housing people to let me back or I have to share a room with Mylene. I know I would hate living with that family, all of their judging faces and my uncle lecturing me all the time. I still have 2yrs of school left but I don't even know what I'll be majoring in. I feel like I fucked up in every way possible. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and I'm having a breakdown this week. I don't know guys, what am I going to do?
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9 comments:
Okay girl let's take a deep breath. You can do this. Everything is going to be okay! Just remember that when you've hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up!
Okay here is what I suggest you do:
1. Stop talking to Harmonious and Peniscola; I don't want their negativity and toxic shit to get to you anymore. You need to surround yourself with positive, uplifting people who are on the right path so that they can help and support you and not people who have helped to mess up your life time and time again and make you upset and brood and feel like shit about yourself. Start hanging out with the right crowd who can help you become better and feel better about yourself and the future. Remember: everything will be okay in the end. and if it's not okay, it's not the end.
2. I understand you may feel some regrets, but also know that if you had stayed home and never went to Norcal, grew into the person you are, and learned from your mistakes, you would have ALSO regretted never doing what you did! You would have regretted not seeing the big bad world. And since you did have the guts to do it, at least you won't think back and wonder what it would have been like or wish that you had done it!
3. Apply to a LOT of jobs in OC. Like A LOT. Just start applying like crazy, like ten applications a day. Administration or receptionist jobs are easy to get and pay a lot more than retail. Or you can stick to BBW for now if you want but make sure you are able to pay the bills with what you'll be making at your next job.
4. reach out to friends or acquaintances to see if anyone wants to move out and you can ask to split a place with them.
OR
You need to suck it up and possibly move back in with Mylene's family since that is the only place you can live now without paying rent. It's going to suck because asian families suck but you'd rather be lectured at often than homeless, right?
5. You can probably stay with Mylene for like 2-3 years, save up your money like CRAZY and I mean 50% of your paycheck needs to go to savings because you won't be paying for rent, pay off all your CC debt through your job, and also try to go back to school at the same time. I strongly suggest a school you will be able to get a grant to instead of a loan. Or just get a degree at GWC or something so you dont have a shit ton of college debt to pay for afterwards. Since you'll be so busy with a job and school, you won't have to be home that much which means you won't have to deal with that crazy family too much. Win-win!
Also, how did you get into so much debt? Credit cards? Only using your credit card from now on when you KNOW you actually have that cash in your bank acct. And pay off your entire balance on your cards. Every month. Never let a balance go over to the next month.
I have more to say but I gotta go now so I'll get back to you
mmkay so apparently the magical budgeting numbers are 50-30-20 (the way you should split up your paycheck)
50% - necessities (rent, food, gas, CC payments, etc.)
30% - wants (fun stuff that is not necessary)
20% - savings
but since you're in a tight situation and kind of between a rock and a hard place, you should definitely try to do more like 40% - necessities, 50% - savings, 10% - wants.
you're gonna need to fall back on that savings when you're out on your own again (if you plan on staying with Mylene which I highly suggest) and if you want to start saving towards something better like a nicer place of your own, buying something big like maybe paying for school, or just as an emergency fund in case something like this happens again and you're in some debt.
I just also talked to my friend and she said Nordstrom is a really good retail place, pays well, you're pretty secure, and you can get hired easily if you have some retail experience already. You should definitely apply there since you have experience! You'll probably get it! They pay like $15/hour plus commission! You'll definitely be able to afford a small apt of your own if you work there!
but firstly I think you need to gather your thoughts, plan a budget (a VERY strict budget that you MUST ABSOLUTELY stick to no matter what - every time you're about to buy something look at your budget first to see if you can get it), pull yourself together, and move back to Socal. You'll be in a better mindset once you're back here too so you can focus on getting a job and going back to school; you'll feel more in control and have some semblance of stability so you won't be a mess and depressed or having breakdowns all the time.
Promise me you'll consider my advice and try to do the things I suggested?? at the very least apply to jobs and make a really good budget and stick to it!
I'm always here to help and talk to if you need anything. You can always call me. And if you're really in a bind, I'm up to loaning you some money again too.
Regretting and being sad about your situation won't help you feel better - you'll start to feel better if you start to take action, even just small baby steps! If you aren't happy about something in your life, do something about it!
and of course once you move back here we can be a better support team for you! Good luck and keep us posted!!
I CAN'T --- LIKE-- LYNNA PUT EVERYTHING ALRDY. LISTEN TO LYNNA.
(I'm the one scrambling for my life still.)
YOU'LL BE OKAY! DEEP BREATHES AND LOTS FOR COLORING.
I do honestly thing you have to put splatoon out of your life for awhile though. :s As upsetting as it sounds.
A lot has changed in the past two days actually. I need to update you guys when I have time.
The debt I accumulated was when I was still with Jackson and also after him when I didn't have a job and had to feed myself. I think I manage my money well, its just that I don't get paid enough. $300 or less for two weeks is barely enough to pay my bills and actually have food for me to eat for two weeks.
I've had a couple of options open up to me the past couple days and there are some other routes I'm thinking of going.
I think I definitely overreacted that day from stress, talking to my mom, and almost getting into a car accident.
I actually consider Harmonious a good friend, its just that she was going through the same shit I went through with Peniscola and I was the only person who understood her issues. Her talking to me just enforced his dumbassery, it brought back more of an angering feeling. She has actually been helping me through a lot stuff as well. I think the person I need to stop talking to is Peniscola, not that I even talk to him that much tbh.
I actually don't play Splatoon that much anymore, it about one or twice a week for an hour or two, hence why I never really finished my Splatoon post.
I'm going to see my cousin up in Vancouver sometime after Thanksgiving to talk to her about it. But I've had some friends up here who were really generous and offered to help me. I'm not in a funk anymore like I was the past week honestly.(my period is also coming in a couple days, maybe thats why I flipped out). Sorry if I worried you guys, and Lynna I definitely will take your advice into consideration.
You know this happens every single fucking month before my period. It was never this bad before but I feel like its because of hormonal imbalances from me not eating 100% correctly. Some much stuff happened the past week on top of it that I just had a meltdown that night. I really think the final point to before my meltdown was almost getting into that car crash.
I also forgot to say, thank you Lynna. :D
Glad you're feeling better ! :) update us when you can!!!
also i thought you hated harmonious and you told me she was evil?? LOL when did u guys become good friends ? O___O so confused
Honestly that was before I knew her or talked to her at all. Needless to say I judged before getting to know her, plus I was angry at Peniscola. These past few months actually, we just been talking and hanging out more :O
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